i would punch a child for taco bell
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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