Got a toothbrush?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
