Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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