Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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