my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
