even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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