I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
