dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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