he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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