I just pynch a tree in the face
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
