She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
