I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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