There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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