perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
