I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
