he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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