Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
