Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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