You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
