If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
