We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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