Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
