I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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