Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
pray to the hookup gods
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
