Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
