I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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