dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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