nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
