I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
