apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
