I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
