god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
