You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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