the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
