You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
