all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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