If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
