tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He passed out mid-signature
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
