I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
