maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
