Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
being pregnant is like rehab
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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