uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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