I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
