in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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