Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
