I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
