I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
