sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
