So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
