Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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