only if we run a train.
done.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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