Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How external is "for external use only"?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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