my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
