so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
