I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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