It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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