the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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