ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so let's talk penis.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
