Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
