Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
