absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
