Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
