The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I believe in your delicious
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
