I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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