Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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