Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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