remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
