Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
