Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
