I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
