the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
