He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
