Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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