Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
