Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
