Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
