You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
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Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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