a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
