im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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