I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How naked do you want me to be?
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