her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
