Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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