Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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