i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
