my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
