Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
