If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Enjoy the penises
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
