So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
