How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
