yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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