Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you win again, gameday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
