her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
