one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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